
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/320252.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/F
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Jane_Crocker/Roxy_Lalonde
  Character:
      Jane_Crocker, Jake_English, Dad_(Homestuck), Crockercorp_Drone, Rose
      Lalonde, Roxy_Lalonde
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_Drinking, Shower_Sex, Pranks_and_Practical_Jokes, Pesterlog
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-01-14 Words: 6254
****** A Crocker-Lalonde Mixer ******
by traceExcalibur
Summary
     “Janey, come oooooon…a single drink isn’t going to harm you, trust
     me!”
     In which Jane visits her BFF, gets drunk, and there are shenanigans
     aplenty, both of the comedic and sexy variety.
Notes
     This may seem obvious to many of you, but in case it isn't, I'd like
     to make a disclaimer here: underage drinking and sex is not something
     to be glorified. Teens, be very careful about what behaviours you
     engage in and emulate, especially if you're doing it because you
     think it's the mature thing to do. It's not always gonna end as
     hunky-dory as it does in silly fanfiction on the internet; it's
     usually gonna end much worse. In retrospect, had I written this in
     the present-day, I would have depicted the characters as being adults
     and probably included less alcohol; I'm leaving this fic up unedited
     for posterity, but I no longer agree with the original mindset behind
     it.
“Janey, come oooooon…a single drink isn’t going to harm you, trust me!”
Jane Crocker sat on the edge of her BFFsie’s bed, nervously holding onto a
small martini glass. Roxy’s face was slightly flushed from her own drink, and
one of her arms was around Jane’s shoulder. She was grinning goofily, but after
only one glass she was still in full control of her cognitive faculties, even
if her overly excitable demeanour suggested otherwise.
“I suppose not, but I am still being a bit of a nervous Nelly, I’m afraid.”
“Then stop being nervous and SLAM that shit, Crocker!”
Jane crossed her arms and tried to frown, but she found it quite difficult with
Roxy leaning over her; her positive, if booze-fueled attitude was rather
infectious.
“I can’t simply slam it, this is my first alcoholic drink ever, and I do think
I should—“
“Aw, come on. Don’t be a pussy! Look, you didn’t hitch a ride on a Crockercorp
jet and fly down here for the week just to sit around like a boring ol’ chump
and not have at least one drink, did you?”
“I came down here to see you, not to get drunk off my little fanny!” she said,
indignantly.
“You say that like those aren’t the same thing.” Roxy said blankly, sipping on
her second martini.
“True, but I still have my reservations.”
Jane shrugged off Roxy’s grip on her shoulder and set the martini down on the
bedside table. She flopped backwards onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
“Come on! I up and promise you, good things will happen if you drink it. We’ll
have shit-tons of fun, ok?”
“Can’t we have fun without drinking? Can’t you go a day without it?”
The room was silent, and Roxy introspective.
“It’s harder than it looks. But I’ll try tomorrow, if you try a drink tonight.”
“Well…fine. But only one.”
She hoisted herself back into a sitting position and took the glass back in
hand and raised it to her lips, fingers trembling under Roxy’s eager gaze. She
tipped it back and a mouthful dribbled over the rim; she swished it around,
experimentally, and swallowed. She first noticed the chill, and next a rather
sweet taste. It was not half bad, though it was followed by a peculiar
aftertaste that she suspected was a result of the alcohol. It certainly wasn’t
awful, though, and so she drained the rest of the glass.
“There. Now we can say that I too am an underage drinker. Happy?”
“Hells yes, I am!” Roxy replied with a grin, throwing her arm back around
Jane’s shoulder, and offering her the most esteemed gesture of which she was
capable: the ‘fist bunp’. Jane returned the bump and smiled.
“I must admit, that wasn’t half bad…may I please have another?”
Roxy’s eyes twinkled.
“Jane, honey, you can have all the drinks you want.”
===============================================================================
The trip to visit Roxy was a hectic blur characterized by long lines at the
airport and the somewhat discomforting presence of two gigantic Crockercorp
Drones. The creatures, clad in scaly orange-red armor and wearing imposing
expressions, arrived at her house to escort her to the airport and did not once
leave her side. They were sent by the Betty Crocker corporation to ensure their
heiress would remain free from harm throughout the journey, but they seemed
more trouble than they were worth. It was awkward walking through huge crowds
with them at her side and her father trying desperately to keep close, and it
was more awkward to say their goodbyes with the Drones staring down at them.
“Now, honey, keep out of danger, don’t do anything stupid, avoid strangers at
all costs, don’t—“
“Yes, I know, Dad. Don’t worry, I will be perfectly fine!” Jane rolled her
eyes. Nag, nag, nag. Her father was far too concerned.
“I am just worried about you, daughter. You make me so very proud, and I
couldn’t bear to see anything happen to you, so please—“
“I AM SORRY SIR,” the Drone said, in a cold and robotic voice that didn’t sound
sorry at all. “WE MUST DEPART POSTHASTE. YOUR BIOLOGICALLY GENERATED DAUGHTER
UNIT WILL BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. FEAR NOT.”
Her father snuck in a quick kiss on her forehead before he was lost to the
crowd, and the Crockercorp Drones marched her towards the security check.
Nobody dared speak up as they cut straight to the front of the line, with Jane
apologizing profusely to everyone for the inconvenience.
The plane ride was as uncomfortable as the airport trip that preceded it. The
jet was spacious, occupied only by herself, the Drones, and a few Crockercorp
executives, and there was a flat-screen TV embedded in the wall. It could have
been a very enjoyable trip, but between the heated business talk between the
execs, the turbulence around the jet, and the sight of the Drones unflinchingly
staring at Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives,starring John Glover Roberts Jr, Jane
found herself hoping the flight would touch down as soon as possible.
After what felt like an extraordinarily long time, the flight touched down at
Massena International Airport. Jane disembarked, flanked by her Drone
guardians. They followed her as she retrieved her luggage, stopped at a Crocker
Café for a snack, and headed to the entrance to wait for Roxy.
“JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!”
There was no wait. The moment Jane reached the lobby she was nearly deafened by
an excited screech, and her eyes snapped to the source to find Roxy flying
towards her as fast as her legs could carry her. She looked just like she did
in the pictures she had sent Jane: she was petite, with curly silver-blonde
hair, and striking pink eyes. Her shoulders were slipping out of a loose shirt
with a pink cat design on it. She had on a short skirt with black leggings
beneath it. All in all, she was exactly what Jane expected, only better,
because she was real instead of a collection of pixels.
Roxy seemed intent on communicating her excitement through a full-contact
tackle, but the Drones stopped her forcefully, pushing her away.
“HALT, SUSPECTED TERRORIST. PRESENT BETTY I.D. OR PREPARE FOR IMMEDIATE
TERMINATION.”
Roxy stopped and scowled, crossing her arms.
“That girl is my best friend, mister, and you are going to let me give her a
hug right fuckin’ now, ok?”
“TERMINATION IN THREE SECONDS.”
Roxy stood in place, unmoving. Jane tried to push past the Drones to no avail.
“Roxy, just show them your I.D, don’t be foolish!”
“TERMINATION IN TWO SECONDS.”
“Fine, fine…”
Grumbling, Roxy produced a small red card from her wallet and flashed it in the
Drone’s face.
“TERMINATION IN—THANK YOU, MISS ‘Roxy LALONDE’. RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU ARE ON
THE LIST OF ‘TRUSTWORTHY CONSORTS’. YOU ARE NOW FREE TO TAKE CUSTODY OF JANE
CROCKER. FAILURE TO KEEP THE HEIRESS SAFE OVER THE COURSE OF HER TRIP WILL
RESULT IN IMMEDIATE TERMINATION. THANK YOU, AND HAVE A NICE DAY.”
The Drones stepped aside and Roxy’s arms were wrapped around Jane in an
instant. Jane staggered backwards, surprised, before returning the embrace.
Roxy was warm and her smile warmer, and the terrible plane trip almost felt
worth it just for the hug. Roxy finally pulled away, and Jane realized with a
start that she couldn’t smell any alcohol on Roxy’s breath. For a moment she
was touched, thinking that Roxy had chosen to forgo drinking so that she would
be sober for their first meeting, but then it occurred to her that Roxy just
wanted to avoid conflict with Drones. Underage drinking was, according to a
recently-passed Crockercorp law, a penalty subject to instant termination. Jane
thought it was a little harsh, to say the least. Roxy was convinced that it was
a direct attack on her.
Roxy pulled away from Jane and studied her carefully. It looked as though she
was trying to decide what to say first. Jane was half-expecting the usual ‘how
are you?’ or a ‘nice to meet you!’, but given Roxy’s personality she wasn’t at
all surprised to hear instead:
“Wow, Jane, you’re even sexier in person!”
“Oh, come off it! No need to tease me like that.”
Roxy looked offended. “Who’s teasing? You’ve got curves in aaaaall the right
places!”
Jane shook her head and chuckled, reaching over to take her suitcase from the
Drone, and then bidding it goodbye. The typical Lalonde flattery might make
another girl blush but it held no sway with her after over a year of hearing it
– or, more accurately, reading it on a computer screen. She just swatted Roxy
lightly on the arm.
“Where to? I don’t suppose Ms. Lalonde is here to pick us up?”
Roxy’s face fell, and she began walking towards the exit at a brisk pace.
“No…too fuckin’ busy with some book signing to bother giving her daughter a
lift to see her best friend. Whatevs, she hired us some tricked-out limo
instead. It’s this way, c’mon.”
The bad mood passed fleetingly and she smiled again. She slowed down just
enough to let Jane catch up, and then took her by the hand and dragged her
towards the street. She led Jane to a stretch limo that awaited them outside
the airport, and signalled towards the driver. He popped open the trunk and
together they heaved Jane’s suitcase into the back, and then they slid into the
backseat together.
“So, Janey, didja hear about Di-Stri’s latest project?”
“No – do tell, Ro-Lal!”
Throughout the ride home, Roxy didn’t stop gossiping to Jane about their other
friends, or talking about how much fun they would have, or how terrible her
mother was. And she never let go of Jane’s hand, either.
===============================================================================
“Shhhhhshhh don’t laugh, he’ll hear you! He’s about to pick up!”
One limo ride, a few hours, and a few drinks later, Jane and Roxy were gathered
around Roxy’s cell phone. In a drunken flight of fancy they had attempted to
prank call D. Strider, only for them to realize partway through the
conversation that his autoresponder had picked up the phone. Jane was highly
amused, but Roxy had insisted that it was a failure, and so they resolved to
call his father instead and hope for better results.
“Hello, sir,” Jane said, trying to stifle her giggles. “I am calling from the
Crockercorp General Electric Branch, and I’d like to ask if your refrigerator
is currently running.”
There was a moment of silence as Mr. Strider cleared his throat, and then he
spoke. Or, more accurately, rapped:
 
yeah that little fucker was a sucker
thought he could run
but he was done
made a beeline for the stairs who cares youd think
just buy a new one
youve got the dough but no
it was more than just a matter fiscal
its a matter of fuckin principle
no fridge is gonna flee from me from strider you dont abscond
so chase it i did and that fridge well it panicked
went tumbling ass backwards down stairs ‘bout which i warned it
cracked its skull started bleedin’ refrigerator fluid
its ruined it is toast
i need to renew it
so the question im askin
if youre up to the challenge
is can you crockercorp drones come down here and fix my fridge??
 
There was a stunned silence, the two of them gaping at the phone. Neither of
them could think of anything to say. Finally, Jane burst into another fit of
laughter.
Click.
===============================================================================

Jane was on her way back to Roxy’s room from the bathroom when Ms. Lalonde
arrived home. She was dressed in a conservative lavender coat, her hair tucked
back with a headband, and a novel tucked under her arm. The red cover suggested
that it was her latest hit, Knight of Time, which was the 3rd book in a planned
tetralogy. She smiled gently when she noticed Jane.
“Hello, Ms. Crocker. I am pleased to make your acquaintance. My daughter speaks
quite highly of you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too!” Jane managed after some concentration. Ms. Lalonde
stopped and sniffed at the air for a moment, regarding Jane curiously.
“You…have been drinking. Haven’t you?”
Jane nodded guiltily.
“Care is requisite when alcohol is involved. Don’t overdo it.”
She began towards her room.
“Then why do you leave it out?” Jane shouted at her, more loudly than she
intended. “Why do you let your daughter drink all the time?”
Ms. Lalonde paused and furrowed her brows, as though she was trying to think of
exactly the right thing to say. Finally, she seemed to settle on something. She
looked Jane straight in the eyes, and said,
“A mother will do whatever is best for her children.”
Ms. Lalonde stalked off with her book in hand, but her enigmatic answer
lingered in the air long after she left.
===============================================================================
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] –
TG: jake
TG: jaaaaaaaaaake
TG: earth 2 hunyk island man
TG: *honk
TG: *hunky
TG: r u there
TG: speak now or 4ever hold ur piece
GT: Yes Roxy i am here and i apologize for the wait!
GT: This goshdarned helmet takes far too long to get equipped but ill be a
monkeys uncle if it isnt worth it to look this spiffing.
GT: What is it that youre pestering me about?
TG: its not me with soething to say acutally
TG: janes here nadf she has something 2 tell u
TG: *and, hoyl shit typo
GT: Oh yes jane told me that the two of you would be staying together.
GT: This sounds like the prime opportunity for shenanigans to ensue so that had
better be a thing thats happening right now!
GT: If not i will be a far furlong beyond disappointed in you ladies.
TG: oh yes shanignans r happening allright
TG: *shanignnenes
TG: *shanahan
TG: *whatevs
TG: hang on let me putr her on
TG: Helloj, Ake.
GT: Pardon me?
TG: Oh, for heavens saje, I’m having trouble typign right now.
TG: I may havei mbibef too mucuh liquor.
TG: *Imbibed, much
GT: I would say so.
GT: Your vernacular is flapping about all over the chat window like theres no
tomorrow!
GT: Dont go hurting yourself by drinking too much.
TG: I’ll b fine. Hoo hoo@
GT: Alright.
GT: But are you sure it’s a good idea to be pestering me about this when your
mind is all hornswoggled like this?
TG: No, it’s probaby not.
TG: BUt Lalonde insits onyou and I having a conversation right noww, so that Is
going to happn wherther my drunken mind likes it or not! >:B
TG: *Many typos, you can ssursedly recognize them
GT: Its got to be an important revelation then if it simply cant wait!
GT: *Sits down, adjusts his collar, and prepares for a shocking twist*
TG: Don’t be oeerdramatic, it’s not that big a deal!
TG: I just
TG: well
TG: have to tell you that……
TG: No your’e right I should nto be doing this while drunek! What am i
thinking?
GT: Dont worry jane i can wait to hear it, whatever it is.
GT: Go de-discombobulate yourself and then we shall talk.
TG: NOOOOOOooOO
GT: Hm?
GT: Now whats happening!
TG: its me again
TG: rolal me not jane me
TG: cuz janes pussying out on me
GT: May i wager a guess that there is some sort of mathematical percentage that
adequately describes the likelihood of her pussying out on you?
TG: yeah its 100 PPERFUCKIFNGCENT
TG: *per
TG: *fcuking
TG: *cent
TG: look she wuz goikhn 2 tell you
TG: that sheuirhj87
TG: rth
GT: Now what in the codswalloping dickens is going on here.
TG: rthjrtuhdpjgodigrto%$t
TG: erhgdkflgj jane stopr ittrhugdfgij
TG: shes triynb prkthkrptghk fuckigtnpthkfgpohkfpghbfg
TG: OTYTJ
GT: I am so confused.
TG: Sorry, Jake, I was tryifn to keep Rola-l away from thhjtyihhefsd
TG: euhigih4ui8o5u8yh
GT: Er.
TG: JAKE U GOTTA HELPRl
TG: shes attkaicng me
GT: Ro-lal does this happen to have anything to do with janes, um, “affections”
for me?
TG: NO UDNTO LET HER SEE
TG: jth50j0UJH056JH9RTIJREIOHD
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] –
GT: …
GT: What in the flippin fuck was that all about?
===============================================================================
Roxy’s laptop lay on the ground, knocked over by their fight. Jane was sitting
on the bed, clutching a bump on her head and grimacing. A dull, light pain
throbbed through her skull every few seconds. Roxy, sprawled out on the floor
with her shirt hanging loosely around her waist and a rip in her leggings.
“O-M-G, Jane, where did that come from? I thought you were gonna tell him you
had the hottzors for him!”
“Ugh…the what?” Jane groaned. Chatspeak was not her strong suit.
“A crush, Janey! A crush!”
Yes, of course she had a crush on Jake! That was nothing new.
“Well…I…”
Roxy brushed herself off and moved to sit next to Jane.
“Look, Jaaaaaane, you can tell me how you feel. I’m your best friend! What’s on
your mind?”
I like you.
The phrase was there in an instant, at the tip of Jane’s tongue. It had always
been there, the entire night it had been swimming there in her mind, just
beneath the surface, and now with alcohol coursing through her veins it was
ready to burst out. There were little hints – from the way Roxy shouted her
name to the warmth she felt when they held hands to the little hint of sadness
in Roxy’s expression every time she mentioned her crush on Jake, and the little
thump of her heart every time Roxy smiled…
Roxy liked her. And she liked Roxy back.
But I could never tell her that. I didn’t have the will to tell Jake, I can’t
tell Roxy either.
Yes you can, said the alcohol, and she knew it was right. It could help her do
what, sober, she couldn’t.
Her fingers waggled and clambered up Roxy’s arm like a spider and she rested
them on her shoulder. She leaned in very close, so close their lips were almost
touching, and Roxy’s bright pink eyes were right next to hers. Jane’s face was
flushed, not with embarrassment, but with drunkenness, though under any other
circumstances the opposite would be true. In a singsong voice, she whispered,
“Do you reaaaally want to know how I feel, Rox?”
Roxy leaned back a little bit, seeming somewhat uncomfortable if only because
of Jane’s sudden change in demeanour. Determination still glinted from behind
her glazed-over eyes.
“Duh.”
Using her hand at Roxy’s shoulder, Jane pushed the girl down onto her bed. She
leaned over her, her legs opening around Roxy’s waist to straddle her, and her
face hung only inches away from Roxy’s, their lips nearly together once more.
“Yes. I do like him. Buuuuut…he’s not the only one I like.”
She let herself drop just the tinest bit more, and kissed Roxy. It seemed like
the natural thing to do. She could taste the martini on her friend’s lips, and
something else…something more intimately Lalonde, like a hint of a smell or
even a bit of personality etched into those lips, as though they contained the
very essence that made her want more than just friendship. She pulled back and
Roxy seemed dazed, staring straight into her eyes with a shocked expression.
Her chest was heaving and Jane suspected her heart was racing, too.
What are you doing?whispered a little rational voice in her head, that sounded
almost like a grandmother. Have you gone bonkers? You could plum ruin this
friendship, don’t go rushing into something like this!
Oh, shove it, said the alcohol.
“Jane, what…I…” Roxy was having difficulty articulating.
“…well, you’re supposed to kiss someone if you like ‘em, correct?” Jane asked,
her speech a little slurred, excitement and the martinis conspiring against
her.
There was a moment of stark silence, Roxy staring at Jane, unsure how to
feel…and then she allowed herself to relax, and smiled behind half-lidded,
drunken eyes.
“Oh yesss you fucking are.” she said, and as her arms wrapped around Jane she
let her in for another kiss.
Jane marveled at the sweet taste again, and with Roxy fully willing this time
she found a tongue knocking at her teeth. This was no time for shyness, she
told herself, and she opened her mouth, and let Roxy’s tongue meet hers. In her
every gasping breath she inhaled Roxy’s scent, like flowers dipped in alcohol.
They met fiercely, and sloppily, noses and foreheads banging together, her
hands roaming all across Roxy’s back and legs, and she yelped when a hand
suddenly grabbed onto her rump and gave it a squeeze. The saner part of her
mind was screaming but with lust and drinks pumping through her veins she did
not heed it; she instead shifted to the side so she could take hold of Roxy’s
bra and unhook it.
That was when the doorknob turned, clicked, and the door swung open.
“I thought it prudent to offer you two an array of snacks be…fore…” Ms. Lalonde
trailed off into a small, barely audible, oh, and blushed furiously.
Roxy screamed something unintelligible; Jane, with her prankster’s gambit full
to bursting, turned to look Ms. Lalonde dead in the eye and with a completely
straight face uttered perhaps the only thing she would regret that night.
“Care to join us, Ms. Lalonde?”
Ms. Lalonde’s mouth opened and closed a few times as she was left, for once,
completely wordless. The door slammed shut and she skittered down the hall.
“Ho-lee shit, Jane, you didn’t mean that did you?” Roxy asked, more shocked
than when Jane had confessed her feelings.
“Er, course not, silly!” said Jane. It was mostly true. “It was just a prank!”
“Good, cauuuse I am L-M-F-A-O so hard at that, it’shh a really really good
prank!” Roxy’s speech was slurred, a night’s worth of alcohol finally taking
its full effect on her. She grinned at Jane and stuck her tongue out. “An’ now
you got my mom taken care of, make the fuck out with me already!”
“Gladly!” Jane replied, giggling. Her body was hot, from alcohol and arousal,
and she was more than happy to return to tasting Roxy’s wonderful lips. She
enjoyed kiss upon kiss, tugging at Roxy’s lips, sloppily catching her nose or
cheek every now and then. She fumbled with Roxy’s bra and removed it, revealing
two small, pale mounds tipped with erect nipples. She gave each one a quick
kiss and knew from the way that her partner’s breath hitched up that she
enjoyed it. Roxy’s hands found the hem of her shirt and pulled it up just
enough to expose her chest, her glasses were knocked to the floor, and soon
both bras were lying aside, both girls mostly topless and desperate for their
lips to meet again.
Jane’s hand slipped beneath Roxy’s skirt and found its way beneath her
leggings. She brushed it against the moist slit and giggled as Roxy gasped, her
back arching up. “J-Jane…please…” Roxy moaned, and Jane took it as a sign to
push one finger in and curl it. Her thumb roamed for a while before she finally
found the nub she was looking for and she rolled over it, grinning at Roxy’s
shaky reaction. She added another finger, and with two pumping in and out, Roxy
seemed high with ecstasy. Jane’s fingers became wetter and wetter with every
thrust and Roxy’s small gasps and moans gave way to loud, pleasured sighs. She
bit down on her lip and ground her hips up against Jane’s hand, her pussy hot,
clamping down around her fingers, and with a stifled moan and a sudden shudder
she reached her peak. She wrapped her arms tightly around Jane and held on as
her body bucked up, so petite in comparison to Jane. Her movements eventually
slowed and she lay back on the bed, her chest heaving, her eyes locked on Jane.
Jane pulled her hand away and examined the wetness that was staining it, and
smiled.
“You’re simply adorable when you moan…know that?”
Roxy’s eyes fluttered shut and she was silent for a while. When she finally
spoke her response was not to acknowledge Jane, but to beg for more.
“Get…these clothes…off me…andscrew me…”
Their clothes hit the floor with an almost erotic-sounding shuffle and they
were upon each other again. Jane hooked a leg around one of Roxy’s and pulled
her in close and with an electrifying tingle they were pressed flush against
one another, both sets of lips meeting passionately. Roxy moaned into Jane’s
mouth and they convulsed, running their arms over each other’s backs, giggling
and gasping as their pussies touched, delighting in each other’s company. In
the midst of their tangled, naked bodies, and the moaning and the wet
schlicking sounds from between their legs, and with pleasure and alcohol
thudding through her, Jane wasn’t sure when Roxy reached her second climax, and
if she had a third. She knew when she reached her own, though, because the most
amazing jolt seared her spine and her entire body shuddered and she knew she
wanted more, to keep touching Roxy, to keep feeling her and fuckingher. She
knew when she reached her second orgasm too, because after the shivering and
gasping for air and the wonderful tingle subsided, a pleasant, drunken warmth
enveloped her and she began to feel tired, until eventually exhaustion took
her, and she fell asleep in her best friend’s arms.
===============================================================================
Jane awoke to the sound of running water and an unpleasant buzz in her head.
She had not had quite enough liquor the night previous to give her a strong
hangover, but her mind was pounding nonetheless. She looked around groggily to
find that she had fallen asleep in Roxy’s bed after…after they had…
Oh my word, what did Idolast night?
She pulled herself into a sitting position, panic bubbling up in her mind. Roxy
was nowhere to be seen, but there was a note on the nightstand that looked like
it was from her. It sat beside a full glass of water. Jane picked up the note
and examined it:
 
                                     janey
last night was super fuck fun but ur going to have 1 hell of a hangover in the
           mornin i think so here take this water and drank drink up
 then u gotta meet me in the shwower shoer SHOWER so get ur hot ass over there
                                 asap or else
                                    -ro lal
                   ps U R REALLY GREAT IN BED LIKE HOYL SHIT
 
Blushing, Jane quickly crumpled up the note and lobbed it into the trashcan, to
make sure that Ms. Lalonde would never lay eyes on it. She downed the glass of
water; it eased her headache and cooled her body, but did nothing to assuage
her red face. She stepped out of bed and stood up, looking around. She was
naked, with hers and Roxy’s clothes scattered around in the sheets and on the
floor. She skittered over to the door and peeked out into the hallway. It was
deserted, but she still wrapped the bedsheet around herself before scurrying
off to the bathroom.
The door was unlocked, so she opened it and stepped inside. The room was
steamed up and the walls of the shower were foggy and covered in droplets.
Roxy’s bare form, too blurry to make out, was moving about inside the shower.
As soon as Roxy noticed Jane’s entry, she threw open the door to the shower.
Jane was blindsided by the sight of Roxy’s naked breasts, dripping with water,
and her slender legs, spread out with her muff just barely visible in-between.
Without last night’s drunken haze to obscure the sight, Jane grew so red she
nearly fainted.
“Jane, you made it!” Roxy shouted, and before Jane had the chance to pull back
she darted forwards and pulled her friend into a deep kiss. Jane’s bedsheets
slipped down and she kissed back, a hand wandering low to squeeze one of Roxy’s
cheeks. The girl yelped and giggled as she pulled away from the kiss for a
breath. She took Jane by the hand and led her into the shower, sliding the door
shut behind them.
“So, um, why did you ask me to shower with you?”
Roxy grinned mischievously.
“Because you and I got so dirty last night, duh!”
Jane sputtered in the absence of the previous night’s alcohol-fuelled courage.
Roxy seemed delighted that the tables had turned. She hummed a jaunty tune to
herself, bending over to pick up a bottle of shampoo and affording Jane a long
look at her rear. Jane gulped, unable to look away.
“M-my word, Lalonde, you have a really—“
“Nice ass?” Roxy interjected, as she stood upright. She poured a smattering of
soap into her hands and lathered it up before moving behind Jane.
“My wording would’ve been less crude, but you’ve got the gist of it.”
Roxy’s hands found Jane’s hair and she rubbed the soap into it, running her
hands through every little tousle and strand, massaging the shampoo into her
scalp. She spent minutes carefully tending to every spot, the hair tucked
behind Jane’s ears, down by her neck, and by the bangs. She nearly slipped a
few times, but tried her best to keep steady and treat Jane’s hair with kid
gloves. Jane squeezed her eyes shut as Roxy rinsed out all the shampoo, and
then ruffled her hair.
“Whoo! I could totally do this for a living, am I right?”
Jane chuckled, and smiled. She was surprised at how tenderly Roxy had worked,
and how clean her hair felt.
“You’re better than I expected.”
“That’s just ‘cause you never expect anything of me!” Roxy quipped.
“That’s not true,” Jane replied, a little hurt. “I expect you to be a good
friend, and you surpass my expectations by far, all the time.”
Roxy circled back aground to Jane’s front and kissed her briefly on the cheek
before moving lower.
“I guess you do know how to make me feel better, sometimes…thanks, Janey.”
Her lips trailed down to Jane’s chest. She gave each nipple a firm, wet kiss,
that was almost a suckle. Jane gasped lightly as pleasure pulsed around her
breasts, the sound lost amongst the gentle hissof the shower. Roxy sunk lower,
kissing her way down Jane’s stomach, her arms tracing along the curves of
Jane’s waist, down past the hips. Roxy looked up at Jane, grinned playfully and
flittered her tongue, and then pushed her head between Jane’s legs.
“Oh…ohhhhh…” Jane backed up and her cheeks pressed against the cold shower
wall, sending a shiver up her spine. Roxy pressed onwards, dragging her tongue
along Jane’s muff with a slow, torturous pace. Jane shuddered and moaned as
Roxy worked away at her, the heat slowly building. Water from the shower
splashed down around them and a fluid of a different sort trickled down Jane’s
legs. Her knees went weak and she tousled her fingers through Roxy’s hair for
support, leaning over her head. Roxy smiled and pulled away for a moment to
lick her lips before directing her attention upwards and tapping her tongue
against the little, erect nub above Jane’s slit. The sudden jolt at her
clitoris sent Jane’s hips bucking forwards against Roxy’s mouth, and
electricity ripping through her.
Roxy kept going, tracing sloppy circles around the bulb before moving back
down. Her tongue parted Jane’s pussy lips and dove right in, sliding along her
walls before pulling away with a ~pop~. She returned to her excruciatingly slow
licks and Jane quivered and gasped, her breath hitching up. Roxy was unfettered
despite the water splashing against her head and dripping down her eyes
whenever she pulled away for breath. Her tongue hot and heavy against Jane’s
muff, she slathered her affection upon it in messy kisses and blissful strokes,
and god it felt good. Jane’s head swam, the headache she once felt giving way
to pleasure, to a building ecstasy, her pussy buzzing with warmth and wetness.
“Nghh…Rox, I’m…n-nearing orgasm…” she managed between heaving breaths. Roxy
said nothing in response, but surely heard it, because she increased her pace.
Tongue flicking quickly along the lips and nearly vibrating above them, she
quickly brought Jane to a shuddering climax. Her entire body tingling, Jane
moaned loudly and let her head hang back as she orgasmed. Time seemed to crawl
to a standstill as Roxy lightly continued her tongue movements, and eventually
pulled away, beaming. She hiccupped and fell forwards towards Jane and their
lips met, and soon they were entangled with each other, Jane doing her best to
keep upright through kiss after sloppy kiss. Finally, Roxy seemed to have had
enough. Jane rested her head against Roxy’s shoulder, chest heaving.
“Told you good things’d happen if you had a drink,” Roxy whispered, as she
kissed Jane softly on the forehead.
Jane had to agree, and, as was often the case these days, was glad to have
believed her best friend.
===============================================================================
“Hey, you wanna snack? Another drink?”
Roxy’s voice, louder than necessary and sounding more drunk than necessary too,
echoed from the kitchen. Jane emerged from the bedroom wearing fresh clothes,
her hair still slightly damp from the shower, and made her way downstairs.
“A snack would be wonderful, thank you very much! The alcohol, on the other
hand, is a no. I had my fill last night, I think. And so did you, for that
matter!”
She entered the kitchen to the sight of Roxy filling up a martini glass. Jane
opened her mouth to berate her, but noticed that she was holding a bottle of
sparkling apple juice. The girl had kept her word; she was sober. Jane smiled,
and when Roxy noticed her enter, she perked up too.
“Alright, what you want? We’ve got loads of anything, say something and chances
are good my mom bought it one day.” Roxy glanced derisively at a spice rack and
mumbled, “What even is sumac, anyway, and why do we need any?”
“I’ll just look in the fridge and…hm?”
Jane stopped. There was a note addressed to her and attached to the fridge in a
gaudy magnetic frame that appeared to be wizard themed. The note was written on
official-looking stationary. The message itself, however, was anything but
official.
 
                                 Dearest Jane,
    I have given careful consideration to the sexual endeavour you so kindly
 propositioned yesternight. At the time I took it to be drunken fancy, but the
idea has since grown on me most unexpectedly. Should you and my daughter still
desire the forbidden, teleiophiliac fruit that you seek, I am more than willing
to entertain you. Please, visit me in my room posthaste. You can trust me when
         I say you won’t be leaving until you are thoroughly soaked.
                                 All my love,
                                 ~Rose Lalonde
 

The further she read the more discomforted Jane got. Her face went pale and she
managed to croak out an, “…oh sweet heavens”, clutching at her chest and
retreating in shock. Roxy investigated the letter and when she finished she
groaned, “Oh, god, why?”
They stood there in shocked silence for quite some time before Jane finally
resigned herself to her fate.
“I’ve got to go clear up this misunderstanding, before...before your mother
does something she will regret.”
“No, Jane, don’t go! She’s got dark majyyks, I’m sure of it! She’s going to
seduce--”
“Oh, shut it!”
Jane steeled herself and marched down to Ms. Lalonde’s room. She was afraid –
not of dark seduction, but of the sight that might be awaiting her when she
entered. After moments of deliberation, she swallowed, readied her mind, and
opened the door.
The bucket over the door trick was one of the oldest ones in the book, but
somehow, Jane didn’t see it coming. It all seemed to happen in slow motion –
she saw Ms. Lalonde grin, and realized something was wrong, and looked up far
too late. There was a soft twang of a hidden wire and a sudden whoosh of
freezing water cascading from above her head, and her prankster’s gambit was
decimated.
===============================================================================
The rest of the day passed by quickly: Jane endured a lecture on proper bedroom
conduct – namely, on not inviting her best friend’s mom for a ménage a trois,
no matter how drunk she was – and congratulated Ms. Lalonde on a prank well
played. She changed into new clothes. She refused multiple drinks from Roxy,
and accepted multiple apologies for “that heartless witch’s behaviour”. She ate
a dinner that, at the very least, wasn’t as awkward as it would have been if
Ms. Lalonde had been serious about her earlier invitation. And finally, she
watched as Roxy fell asleep in her arms, breathing softly, mumbling something
about apple martinis.
By the time she too began to drift off into slumber, she was certain about two
things:
Firstly, she wouldhave her revenge on Ms. Lalonde.
And secondly, even though she would have to leave at the end of the week, even
though she still wished that Roxy would curb her drinking habit, and even
though the thought of a certain Jake English still set her heart aflutter…she
treasured her time at Roxy’s house, and she was more than overjoyed to spend
time with a friend whom she loved so dearly.
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